Wednesday, January 5, 2011

A Stitch in Time

I just had one of those moments.  You know...the ones where you discover a defining moment in your life where perhaps, just maybe, you could purposefully change your path.  I literally just discovered something very important about myself.  While scanning CNN for the millionth time today, I thought back to a comment I'd made while watching the World News.  As I listened to Brian Williams - yes, I prefer him over the women - I realized that I already knew all of the details to his synopsis of the upcoming news stories.  I knew the who, what, when, where, why, and how of every story he listed in those brief moments. 

And I said that out-loud to my husband.  It's true.  I check CNN constantly.  I can't help it.  It's a complete addiction.  It may take me a bit to read any given story because I'm doing three other, more important things at the same time, but it's there, always in the background of what I'm doing.  This is how I know everything Brian Williams was going to report.  Each night, it all seems like old news to me.

As I replayed the conversation in my head, and also realized that I didn't even remember clicking the Home page icon that took me to the CNN article I was staring at, but not reading.  Why am I like this?  Why do I have to know whats going on every minute of every hour, of every day?  Sometimes, if I had a crazy day and didn't get a chance to look at all, I get this sort of sick feeling in my stomach.  There are rare nights when I can't sleep.  I don't go on Facebook and night-stalk my Friends.  I visit CNN.  I look to see if anything has changed in our world, in say, the last two or three hours.

So I began going back in time, visiting years briefly in my head to when I possibly could have started the habit of constantly clicking around the web, searching for the alternately good and horrible stories in our World.  And then it hit me.  Hard.  Really hard.  My habit started way back when, at a previous employer.  I was there for years, and it's the place I was when IT happened.  Back around the 11th of September, 2001.

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