The Culture of Cats & Dogs, Part III

Zeke eventually grew on me, but I'm a little ashamed to say that I've always loved the Puddin' just a little bit more.  I saw myself as her protector.   Zeke ate her food and poop at every chance, and I policed the house like a Mexican border town.  I tried my best to give Zeke a fair shake, but it wasn't easy for me.  

This past August, just a few days before my birthday, the Puddin' got sick.  A few days later, the time came for her final vet visit.  It was not the birthday I had envisioned, but I knew it was the right thing to do.  When I shared the story of our Puddin's passing with a few friends, they asked, "So, when are you going to get another?" or "Visit the shelter", with that knowing look.

It seems that it's much easier to replace a pet.  We would never consider replacing our child, but somehow, it's acceptable with pets.  Having two, completely opposite pets was like having two more kids.  I do miss the Puddin'.  A lot.  Then I tell myself, there's always Zeke...

A Stitch in Time

I just had one of those moments.  You know...the ones where you discover a defining moment in your life where perhaps, just maybe, you could purposefully change your path.  I literally just discovered something very important about myself.  While scanning CNN for the millionth time today, I thought back to a comment I'd made while watching the World News.  As I listened to Brian Williams - yes, I prefer him over the women - I realized that I already knew all of the details to his synopsis of the upcoming news stories.  I knew the who, what, when, where, why, and how of every story he listed in those brief moments. 

And I said that out-loud to my husband.  It's true.  I check CNN constantly.  I can't help it.  It's a complete addiction.  It may take me a bit to read any given story because I'm doing three other, more important things at the same time, but it's there, always in the background of what I'm doing.  This is how I know everything Brian Williams was going to report.  Each night, it all seems like old news to me.

As I replayed the conversation in my head, and also realized that I didn't even remember clicking the Home page icon that took me to the CNN article I was staring at, but not reading.  Why am I like this?  Why do I have to know whats going on every minute of every hour, of every day?  Sometimes, if I had a crazy day and didn't get a chance to look at all, I get this sort of sick feeling in my stomach.  There are rare nights when I can't sleep.  I don't go on Facebook and night-stalk my Friends.  I visit CNN.  I look to see if anything has changed in our world, in say, the last two or three hours.

So I began going back in time, visiting years briefly in my head to when I possibly could have started the habit of constantly clicking around the web, searching for the alternately good and horrible stories in our World.  And then it hit me.  Hard.  Really hard.  My habit started way back when, at a previous employer.  I was there for years, and it's the place I was when IT happened.  Back around the 11th of September, 2001.

The Culture of Cats & Dogs, Part II

We packed up our things, and moved to Clinton, Connecticut.  A day or two after moving in, my husband brought one last load of boxes in.  I began to open boxes randomly, noting the contents, and closing them back up.  Imagine my surprise when out of a box jumps...that's right...one Calico cat.  We took her to the vet, got her healthy, and gave her a loving home.  It didn't take long for Puddin' to become one of my best friends.  She returned the favor a million times over.  She was our baby, our only child and she WAS spoiled and coddled.

Years down the road, Puddin' would have lots of patience with our daughter, and we taught our daughter to do the same - Puddin' was now around 10 years old.  Puddin' was much less tolerant of the Jack Russell Terrier we adopted at the tender age of two - the same age as our daughter - their birthdays just one day apart.

Maia became fast friends with Zeke, and she often refers to him as her "brother", completely debunking the only-child theory.  Me?  I favored the cat.  Yes.  It's true.  The dog, while I know needed a home as much as Puddin' had, annoyed the heck out of me.  He's was a young, hightly-energetic, full-of-attitude, handful of a dog.  My husband and daughter have attached to him nicely.  It's been a little tougher for me.  I was happy with Puddin'; she was quiet, comforting, soft and cuddly...and she let me read a book.  Most of the time.  She was everything that Zeke was not.

Our Charter Fishing Adventure

I was excited when my husband won tickets on a charter fishing vessel for a day - although I hadn't fished in years.  And when I learned that we were going to be setting the alarm for 4:30am, I was a little...less excited.  I figured I'd be spending time fishing and relaxing, and in the end, it turned out to be just that.  But when we, along with the other passengers, began the process of setting our first lines, I soon realized I was in some sort of fish-whisperer slash mini-boot camp for the inexperienced.

Captain Greg is an in-your face, master of fish-finding.  My first dropped line was a disaster, and I heard "Keep your line long" or "Left hand up - you might as well say goodbye to your fish, if your left hand isn't up!" more than a few times.  But when I stopped being offended, and started listening to what he had to share, I found success.  Major success - I caught two of our largest fish on one rig!  I did fairly well from there, and so did the rest of my family.

My daughter was invited up to the Captains area to steer the boat along with another child.   Maia felt special, and had a great time.  We all did.  And...we have a ton fish for dinner now and well into the future!  Would I do it again?  Sure...why not?  Oh...wait.  You say set the alarm for 4:30?  AM?

Patient Advocacy, Part III

Nov., 2009

Due to the pain medication Jeff was on, it would be two full days before my husband spoke more than a few words to me that second visit. But I was getting answers this time around; doctors came and went and with every visit, I had another piece to the puzzle because I spoke up. I was relieved to find out that there was a good chance that this was an isolated case. The doctors believed that his pancreas was traumatized too soon after the surgery - Jeff had felt a "pop" when the dog jumped on him.

While Jeff still struggles with some digestion issues and I suspect a bit of exhaustion every night he arrives home from work, he is on the mend. He's also one not to complain. And I've stopped complaining about that first hospital stay. I've finally figured out that there is only one person who was truly in charge of Jeff's well-being: Me. If he needed something, I tried my best to make it happen. I've realized that advocacy is not about taking a back seat, it's all about firmly taking the wheel.  My advice to you:

• Know the names of every person in charge of your loved ones care.
• Ask questions, over and over if needed.
• Don't be afraid to step on a few toes if you have to.
• Do whatever "it" takes.
• Be strong, and ask for help from family and friends so that you are able to assist in the hospital or home care.
• Remember: You are the customer in every way, shape and form - you're paying for the hospital stay and their doctors' salaries, in the form of insurance premiums. You are paying for every test they run, and all medications.
• Finally, take care of yourself; in the scheme of things, an hour-long yoga class will empower you to take charge, so that you have the energy and power to care for your loved one, both in the hospital and when they arrive back home. It's the best gift you can give yourself and your family.

It took some time, but I realized that advocating for Jeff was not much different from running my business: Asking the right questions of the right people, having the right answers to probing doctors, keeping constant, open communication, and knowing when to call in reinforcements. Relying on others is the hardest part for me, combined with not knowing something that I knew somebody, somewhere already had an answer to.

I've modified my hopes and prayers some as I complete this post. While they still include the continued recovery and health of my husband and family, they are also geared towards you. That YOU learn how to advocate for others, especially family when facing a health crisis. That you learn from my mistakes, as well as from my successes. And finally, that you never have to worry about becoming an advocate for a loved one.

But if you do, it'll be a tough job, with big results.

Breath Work

I wanted to share something with you that has been graciously shared with me. I was recently reminded that each and every one of us is here on this beautiful Earth for a special and unique purpose, and how we honor ourselves and our time here is quite important. Sometimes that reminder can come from an unexpected source. It has raised the importance of keeping my eyes and ears open and taking time to breath, listen and be grateful for the messages that come along each day. That's all that really Matters.  Thank You Joan.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” -Marianne Williamson from A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles

Patient Advocacy, Part II

I desperately wanted to be  part of what was going on with and around Jeff, but I was stubborn. I'd  learn my lessons the hard way and spent more than a few nights awake, alone and frustrated.  Procrastination is not in my vocabulary, and my clients and family  will attest to that. I want results and I want them fast, and I do  whatever it takes to get them. I'm not very good at relying on others to  give me the information I need. The question of what was causing the stomach pain was answered quickly:  The reason behind it was much slower to come. After CT Scans, Ultra  Sounds, an MRI and finally an Endoscopy, the culprit was revealed three  full days later: The Gall Bladder. It was uneventfully removed a few days later.

You can imagine my surprise, when, just five short weeks late, we made our second second visit to Westerly Hospital - this time in the morning.  While I felt  like a pro, the two visits were like night and day, literally and  figuratively. The nurse in the ER was on top of things and I knew what  was going on every step of the way. I was allowed to stay with Jeff  during the tests because this time, I asked. I knew where to find warm blankets when Jeff got cold, I knew where I could (and couldn't) get the best cell phone signal, and I called on family to help out with  Maia so I could concentrate on taking care of Jeff.